Plays for Performance

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  • Twit Theatre

    • [Ian] Put a note in my windscreen. I've just paid my car tax. [Bob] They don't issue discs now. [Ian] The note says 'tax disc in the past'. 1 week ago
    • [Ed] How would you describe yourself? [Mike] I am a man of mystery. [Ed] Can you expand on that? [Mike] No. 3 weeks ago
    • [Mike] I quit my job at the helium factory. [Fiona] Why? [Mike] I'm not being spoken to like that. 1 month ago
    • [Tom] dadadadadadadaa, dadadadadadada, dadadadadadadaa, daadaadaadaada [Ed] Why did you push your wife off a cliff? [Tom] Tequilla. 1 month ago
    • [Innkeeper] That couple we put up in the stable last night? [His Wife] Yeah. [Innkeeper] They've given us a bad review on Tripadvisor! 2 months ago
    • [Farmer] Did you bring the sheep in? [Dog] Yes [Farmer] All of them? [Dog] Yes, there's 100 [Farmer] I only have 97 [Dog] I rounded them up. 2 months ago
    • Passionate about theatre? Passionate about equality? Love ridiculous dancing? Let's get this show on the road 3 months ago
    • [Delivery Man] I've got a parcel for your neighbour. [Phil] Sorry, you've got the wrong house. 3 months ago
    • [Ken] What's this? [Bob] A chainsaw. [Ken] What do I do with it? [Bob] Send it to ten other people. 4 months ago
    • [Fred] What is made from brass and sounds like Tom Jones? [Jim] I don't know. [Fred] Trombones. [Jim] Needs work. 5 months ago
    • [Bill] I'm going to live in Switzerland. [Alice] Why on Earth do you want to live in Switzerland? [Bill] Well, the flag is a big plus. 6 months ago
    • [Fan1] Well that's proved the cynics wrong. [Fan2] How come? [Fan1] The all said England's campaign would only last three matches. 8 months ago
    • Congratulations to cast and crew of I Gave You My Heart for two best actress nominations and winning the adjudicator award at Chelford Fest. 8 months ago
    • [Sam] I see that the king of Spain has abdicated. [Tom] Another Juan gone. [Sam] Eh? [Tom] Another Juan gone, another Juan bites the dust. 8 months ago
    • [Sid] Going to change my name to Warren Peace. [Tom] Why? [Sid] It's a long story. 9 months ago
    • [Yorkshire Cat] Aye-up lad. I'd layke to get missen neutered. [Vet] Are you a tom? [Yorkshire Cat] Nay, lad. Am rayte 'ere. 10 months ago
    • [Bill] Rick Astley has given me left. [Ed] Great. [Bill] And right. [Ed] Good. [Bill] And down. [Ed] Forget it. He's never gonna give you up 10 months ago
    • [Man] How much are the spiders? [Pet Shop Owner] £20. [Man] Wow, that's expensive. [Pet Shop Owner] You'd be better getting one off the web. 10 months ago
    • [Ron] Are you paying for the wedding? [Dave] Yes I sold most of my golf stuff to pay for it [Ron] Generous! [Dave] That's me down to a tee. 11 months ago
  • Call Girls

    Short One Act. 4 f 1 m isdn 1840945702 Published by New Theatre Publications
  • Fresh Showers for the Thirsting Flowers

    One Act 2 f isdn 1840945788 Published by New Theatre Publications
  • The Trial of Socrates

    One Act 5M Copyright 2007
  • Waiting for a Train

    Full Length. 4 f 1 variable isdn 9781840946161 Published by New Theatre Publications
  • Mad Gary’s Fruit and Nut Case

    Full Length 4M 4F 6 others. isdn 9781840946772. Published by New Theatre Publications
  • Life Begins at Seventy

    Full Length 2M 3F isbn 9781906997250 Published by Jasper Publishing
  • Mission Impossible

    One Act. 3 f 2 m isdn 9781840947519 Published by New Theatre Publications

One Page Play – The Breakdown

Posted by playwright on January 2, 2007

Saleman: (As a man approaches) Are you a member sir?

Driver: A member of what?

Salesman: A member of the Automobile Organisation sir. Do you have car breakdown cover?

Driver: My car is a highly crafted piece of engineering. It is a thing of beauty. A masterpiece of design. An ambassador for the progress that mankind has made since the invention of the wheel. The embodiment of science as an art form. This is not some piece of boring junk produced on an assembly line in the far east. Each part is precision made by the country’s finest mechanical engineers then lovingly put together with the emphasis on craftsmanship rather than speed and profit.

Salesman: Break down a lot does it?

Driver: All the time.

Salesman: Then you would be interested in our fully comprehensive package. You will never be stranded again.

Driver: I can’t have your lot jumping in the with your monkey wrenches and lump hammers. Any repairs must be carried out back at the factory by their um…

Saleman: Idiots?

Driver: No.

Saleman: Charlatans?

Driver: No.

Saleman: Mindless imbeciles?

Driver: Skilled technicians.

Saleman: And how do you get it to the factory sir? Perhaps you would be interested in our relay only service. Guaranteed to have someone with you in an hour. Pop your car onto our trailer and we’ll take you wherever you want to go.

Driver: The factory send a man out.

Salesman: Within an hour.

Driver: Within a month.

Salesman: So there is nothing I can do for you?

Driver: There is one thing.

Salesman: Name it!

Driver: You couldn’t lend me some money for a taxi could you?

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4 Responses to “One Page Play – The Breakdown”

  1. […] by playwright on May 24th, 2007 My short play Breakdown was perfomed as part of the Gone in 60 Seconds festival at Harrogate […]

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